Lemony Shepard's Picture Show!
by LemonyShepard
Summary: A strange mix of dark Broadway musicals. Three travelers find their way to an old mansion...where a hunt for blood and lust takes over them all. A must read for die hard Broadway lovers!
1. The Car Crash

**Hey, I'm back...and would you believe it, I've been on this site for over a year already! Gosh golly wonkers! Anyways, I remember last Halloween I tried to be scary. I'm not doing that this year. I'm just trying to be entertaining this time around...with some freaky/disturbing elements along the way. **

**This reads much like _Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events_ or _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, in the sense that the narrator is actually adressing the audience. I figured I'd give it a try.**

**This story combined many elements from darker musicals on and off Broadway (_Little Shop of Horrors, Bat Boy, Rocky Horror, Phantom of the Opera, Sweeney Todd_, and many others). So if you are a fan of Broadway or musicals in general, strap yourselves in for _Lemony Shepard's Picture Show_...**

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Hello, readers. I am the Lemony Shepard, your narrator and host for the evening. I shall be taking you on a strange, fantastic journey through time and space, through fact and fiction, and through life and death.

As many of you know, Halloween is just around the corner. Many people are preparing for this event by placing pumpkins with ridiculous faces out on their porches and buying cheap, plastic costumes that make them look even more atrocious than they truly are. These people are oblivious to the story I am about to tell you, a tale so bizarre and frightening that only I, the Lemony Shepard, could bring it to you so vividly.

This is the story of a man. A human man, of course. His name was Leopold Bloom, a barber from Fleet Street, traveling to the distant country house of his dear beloved, Kerry Butler. He was dressed in a very nice navy blue suit (rented, of course, for Leo wasn't the most comfortable man money-wise) and had a very strange and interesting plant sitting on his lap.

The plant was only about as large as his hand and resembled a Venus flytrap, with small red warts covering its green pod. It was bought by Leo a mere half hour ago by an old Chinese man on the corner of Fleet Street. The barber was planning on giving it to Kerry as a gift, for she had a great interest in unusual plants.

Sitting shotgun by Leopold was a teenager wearing a nice dress shirt and a red sweater vest. His name was Edgar and he had large ears and razor-sharp fangs in his mouth. He was discovered in a cave many miles south of Fleet Street by Leo's good friend, Dr. Thomas Parker. After the good doctor's untimely death, Leopold agreed to take in the bat-child as his own.

He was also a good cook.

Now, it was raining, of course, outside of Leo's old Ford Prefect, and the ghastly fog that seemed to engulf the cryptic forest they were in simply made the entire picture seem all the more menacing. The radio was playing light jazz, interrupted on occasion by the sound of thunder exploding overhead and static buzzing through the speakers. The dark clouds barely shadowed the full moon, which, apart from the intensity of the Prefect's brights, was the only form of light that pierced through the darkness that eerie night.

Now, an important thing to keep in mind is that Leo was never a brave man. In fact, he won "Most Likely to Die of Fright One Night" in high school. He is literally scared of his own shadow, to the point where he sued it for stalking him (he lost the case, by the way, though that is completely irrelevant to this story). He was terrified of Edgar when he first met him and had only grown accustom to his presence after the bat boy cooked him a delicious meal of tender boneless chicken breasts, asparagus spears with Hollandaise sauce, and red roasted potatoes one evening. He was slightly nervous purchasing the strange and interesting plant until thoughts of Kerry's beautiful, blonde hair and striking blue eyes entered his mind. However, that didn't change the fact that every time lightning struck he jumped five feet.

"Leopold, I must ask you why Kerry asked you to join her at her home on this horrid night." Edgar asked in a rich English accent. Leo narrowed his eyes, absorbing the question. _Why did Kerry want him to come over on this night?_ Even he had no idea.

"I have no idea." He stated.

"Well, the rain is simply intensifying," Edgar pointed out. "And this dirt path is getting less and less easy to see."

"Yeah, Edgar, I'm well aware of that." Leo snapped, trying to keep his eyes on the road. "But it's not my choice, alright? I'm not God, I can't make it stop raining."

"Yes, but I was merely stating-"

"Alright, Edgar, we've got a long ways to go and, frankly, I don't want to spend it arguing." Leo argued. "Somehow, I got lost in this stupid forest…funny, I don't remember this forest at all, actually."

Edgar looked around, rolled down his window, stuck his head out, and screeched, forcing Leo to slam his hands over his ears.

"Edgar! What are you doing?!" he cried out, clamping his hands down on the steering wheel before he lost too much control over the vehicle. Edgar pulled his head back into the car, shook the rain violently off his fuzzy head, and starred at his adoptive father.

"I was using radar to locate the nearest building or shelter." He replied. "Perhaps we could stop and ask for directions?"

"Edgar, I don't need to stop for directions, alright?" Leo said strictly. "This forest has got to end sometime and, when it does, we'll be back on the right track and pull up at Kerry's house in no time, get it?"

Edgar crossed his arms in a childish manner and starred out the window. He did sense a very large building about a mile from where they currently were, but he found it useless to tell Leo since he would only shout again.

Leopold squinted in the darkness, the rain, as Edgar had stated, intensifying. He could hardly make out which shadows were real and which were trees or bushes. The road was getting slippery with mud and the tires were spraying up splashes of mud onto the windows. Leo found himself applying pressure onto the brakes with no results. As panic coursed through his blood veins and into his heart, he felt beads of sweat pouring down his horror-struck face, as he clenched onto the steering wheel for his dear life.

Suddenly, Edgar screeched again, making Leo cry out in terror. His eyes slammed shut as the scream emerged from his vocal cords, his hands slamming down on his ears, the wheels of the Prefect driving directly off the muddy path and into a shallow ditch. Glass shattered out of the windshield like arrows, one piercing poor Leo in the shoulder. The airbags exploded out of the dashboards, catching the two travelers' faces merely seconds before their almost-positive death.

For a long moment, there was silence, a terrifying sound that is usually broken by the sound of someone talking or a loud explosion of some kind. This time, however, the silence was broken by the sound of sucking, like a baby sucking on a pacifier. Leo slowly opened his eyes and grasped his shoulder. He was bleeding pretty badly. He groaned as he quickly removed the shattered shard of now-crimson glass. He sighed, slowly turned his head, and then slapped Edgar's shoulder, perfectly fine.

"Way to go, Edgar!" he shouted angrily. "We're stuck in this godforsaken forest, in the freaking rain, with a car that is totaled! What now?"

Edgar's eyes were fixed on Leopold's bloody shoulder for a second, a look of hunger pulsing over his face. He eventually snapped himself out of the trance and returned his glance to his adoptive father.

"Well…I sensed a large building nearby. Perhaps we could…call a tow truck or something?"

Leo glared at the boy.

"Fine, whatever." He responded, kicking the door open, and stepping outside, strange and interesting plant in his hands. "But one more screech out of you, and I swear to Thespis you will be sleeping in the rain tonight, got that?!"

Edgar lowered his now-drenched head and began to trudge through the mud and rain in the direction of the "large building." Out of the corner of his eye, Edgar could've sworn that he saw a trickle of red liquid being slurped into the pod of the strange and interesting plant…

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**It would be nice if you commented or critiqued this...**


	2. The Party

**A shorter chapter for those wonderful three people who read and liked this piece! Thank you very much!**

**I'm trying to get this done for Halloween...and, frankly, I'm excited for it! I've got a nice, funny, disturbing story lined up for you loyal fans. Keep responding!**

**Oh, a little side note, if you've never seen/heard of Rocky Horror Picture Show, then this chapter especially will confuse the heck out of you. So...fix that, if that's the case.**

**Enjoy!**

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"I don't like the look of this place…"

Leo's choice of words was excellent, for he truly did not like the look of that place. Neither would you have if you had been there that dreadful night. The mansion was at least five stories high, its doors and windows each a dark red shade. Twisted, shadowy green vines grew up the sides of the terrifying behemoth of a building. Lights were flashing on and off inside the mansion, creating shadows that seemed to dance rings around the timid barber and his bat-child.

Edgar gulped hard. "Well, I suppose we had better knock."

The two beings (well, three, if you include the strange and interesting plant) slowly and cautiously approached the front door, creeping onto the front porch, swatting away at cobwebs and insects. Edgar opened his mouth and devoured some of the flying pests, chewing on their sticky exoskeletons with great pleasure. In turn, Leo felt like vomiting all over the porch.

He stuck his shaking hand out and reached for the doorbell. Pausing for only a moment, he shoved his finger into the button, releasing a terribly loud, bloodcurdling scream into the night. Leo let out a slight yelp, jumping into the air and nearly dropping his plant. Edgar gave a slight chuckle which was rudely interrupted by Leo stomping down on his foot.

A mere minute after ringing the satanic doorbell, the large door creaked opened. Leo's heart skipped beats as he nervously anticipated who was lurking behind the large, dusty door. As spiders and crickets scurried out of the way, a tall, dark figure stood in the doorway.

He was a built man, wearing a jet black tuxedo and cape, white gloves on his hands. His black hair was slicked back in the most gentlemanly of manners, and there was a small rapier hanging from his black belt. Though you could all imagine this man to be charming and quite handsome, one thing stood out that made this man so mysterious. A white mask covered half of his otherwise perfect face.

"Hello, sir, sorry to bother you." began Edgar. "I'm afraid our car had broken down just a few miles from here and we needed to call a tow truck. That is, if you would not mind?"

The masked man narrowed his eyes to get a better look at the two strangers, then replied, in a booming tenor voice, "Of course you may use our phone."

Edgar smiled, while Leo continued to avoid eye contact with the phantom-looking man. He wasn't incredibly comfortable in his presence and wanted to simply call for a tow and leave the mansion as soon as possible.

The phantom gestured for the two travelers to come inside. The front hall was small and dark, only a few candles lighting the way. Suits of armor with tall, red-tipped spears lined the walls underneath large, evil-looking paintings. Cobwebs seemed to engulf the entire place, each occupied by an insect or two. Edgar looked up at these bugs hungrily, but Leo continued his nervous, shaky stride. He was determined to simply call a tow truck and leave this strange and frightening mansion.

And the all-knowledgeable readers laughed.

Edgar's ears suddenly perked up, his eyes darting in the direction of a large grandfather clock.

"Leopold, do you hear that music?" he asked.

Leo squinted his eyes and listened. "No…" He turned around to ask the strange masked man if he heard anything.

"Hey, buddy, do you hear any…"

Nobody was there.

Leo began to shiver. He hadn't heard any footsteps or the door creak or anything. How is it that this man could've just vanished? Unless he really was a…

The sound of a large band exploded in Leo's ear, causing him to jump much higher than any normal human should be able to. Edgar had just opened up a door, cleverly disguised as the grandfather clock mentioned earlier, to reveal a large, open room, decked out in balloons, streamers, and a colorful array of characters all dressed in fun, happy little costumes.

It was the most bizarre spectacle Leo had ever seen.

"This is the most bizarre spectacle I've ever seen." He murmured to himself as he followed Edgar into the party hall.

These strange, yet happy-looking, people were doing a dance of sorts, jumping to the left and then stepping to the right. Leo covered his eyes to avoid seeing the party-goers pelvic-thrusting until Edgar tugged on his sleeve.

"What?!" Leo asked loudly, as to be hear over the music.

Edgar then said something that Leo couldn't make out and pointed in the direction of the band. Leo didn't understand, until he looked past the drummer, guitarist, and the didgeridoo player. There, sitting on a metal folding chair, clapping along to the music in nothing but her underwear, was Kerry!

Happy, stunned, somewhat confused, and worried, Leo run to her, his wet dress shoes slipping on the slick floor of the hall. As he ran to her, all of the chaos around him seemed to freeze. The music was muted, so he could only hear the sound of his own heart, beating only for his vital organs to function and for his Kerry. It was as if light from Heaven itself had shined down upon Kerry, her beautiful strawberry blonde hair and striking green eyes a gift from above. What light shone past him? It was the east, and Kerry was the sun! Her eyes like lipid pools of green Jell-O, her hair like a field of…red…plants…I guess. He wanted to much to embrace her, to kiss her, to f-

He then tripped on his shoelace, fell flat to the floor, and got stomped by someone jumping to the left.

After wiping the blood off his face, he stood back up, regained his composure, and continued to run towards Kerry.

"Kerry." he said happily. However, the red-headed beauty in white didn't respond. Leo frowned.

"KERRY!" he shouted over the large band, causing Kerry to blink and look up at him. Suddenly, her entire face lit up with joy, as she smiled and leapt from the chair, hugging Leo tightly.

"What are you doing here?!" she asked.

"Edgar made us crash into a tree!!"

"What?!"

"EDGAR MADE US CRASH INTO A TREE!!!"

"I didn't know Edgar lashed at a blue bumble bee!"

Leo sighed, smiled, and hugged his love again, not really caring that she was slowly turning deaf. Just to be with her once again made him happy.

And the fact that she had nearly no clothes on certainly helped the situation.

Suddenly, the music stopped playing and the strange audience gave a round of applause for the musicians. However, after a few seconds of clapping, all the lights in the hall went out. There was a bloodcurdling scream and Edgar, carrying the strange and unusual plant, ran over in the direction of his two friends.

"It's alright, Kerry, you needn't scream."

"That was me." Leo replied sheepishly.

A loud, seductive voice then echoed throughout the hall.

"Hello, my guests." The soothing voice said. "Welcome to my humble abode."

The invisible crowd chuckled at the voice's modesty, then allowed the voice to continue.

"Most of you know you are here," The voice (_'Surely a woman's'_, Leo thought) said. "But for those of you would don't…or have gotten lost in the woods and need to use my phone…"

Again, the audience laughed, but much harder this time. Leo gulped.

"…then allow me to introduce myself."

A spotlight flashed high up onto the opposite wall, blinding the three misfits. There was a figure standing on the very top of a narrow staircase, dressed in quite revealing apparel. Fishnets, corset, stripper boots…Leo grinned to himself.

_'I knew it was a woman…no, wait…'_

Edgar gagged, Kerry gasped quietly, and the audience burst into insane applause for the transvestite standing in the spotlight.

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**Read and respond please! The more reviews, the quicker I'll upload the next chapter!**


	3. The Announcement

**Thank you everyone who responded to this! Please continue do to so and urge other threatre geeks to as well!**

**Now, this chapter has many (incredibly) subtle refrences to other Broadway shows. A keen eye will reveal a single sentence-long refrence to _Spamalot _and at least a paragraph to the newest Mel Brook's masterpiece _Young Frankenstien_ (which I'm totally seeing in NYC during spring break!)**

**Frankly, I'm proud of this story so far. I feel as if I'm tying in all of these classic dark-musicals pretty smoothly. The end to this chapter should make some Broadway fans especially excited...**

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Yeah, Leo was now looking at a transvestite. He wasn't a very happy man at that point.

He looked over at Edgar, who was simply starring in awe at the grotesque sight, holding his hands over his mouth, trying to hold in the puke. Kerry was averting her eyes, trying not to even catch a glimpse of the bizarre and offensively-dressed man.

The trannie, however, was still greeted by a roar of applause by the rest of the party-goers. This, of course, made the transvestite grin with pride as he began descending the staircase.

"Greetings, one and all!" he announced. "I just want all of you to know who I am!"

He then gestured for a tall, slender, redheaded woman with far too much make-up to walk into his spotlight. She was smiling nervously, holding a small cue card in her trembling hands. She was wearing a sparkling-gold skimpy tuxedo complete with a top hat to match. She paused, smiling there like an idiot for a moment, then began to actually read what was on the cue card.

"Um…p-presenting, the brilliant…uh…sorry, let's just see, um…oh, right. The brilliant, the magnificent, the liberal…oh, wait…reliable, sorry, not liberal…can't read my own writing, um…The brilliant, the magnificent, the reliable, the beautiful…"

"DR. FRANK-N-FURTER!!!" The transvestite called out in anger and humiliation. He then rested his face in one hand and snapped his fingers on the other. A hunchbacked man soon emerged from the darkness and dragged the now-horrified girl away. She was screaming through her tears, begging Frank-N-Furter to give her another chance.

From the sounds of her blood-curdling screams outside of the party hall, it would appear that he didn't wish to give her one.

The doctor slowly regained his composure and forced a smile upon his barely-shaved face.

"Now…" he began, still somewhat fuming about the idiot female. "Where was I? Oh yes! I was about to tell all of you who I was…by singing an extravagant rock ballad about myself and my sexuality!"

Leo had seen and heard enough. He felt as if he was going to be sick by simply looking at the man-thing. His head spinning, his stomach churning, his face turning a sickly shade of green, he leaned over towards Kerry and Edgar and said, "Guys, my head's spinning and my stomach's churning."

"And your face is turning a sickly shade of green." Edgar added.

"Yeah, so wait here; I'm gonna go find a restroom or something."

Edgar nodded, but Kerry looked worried. Leo couldn't help but grin as he turned to leave them. Kerry was worried for him. He felt so loved.

That was, of course, until he realized that he was lost in a dark and very expensive mansion, with no clue as to where he was going. He began nervously whistling to himself as he walked down a dark corridor, cobwebs and (hopefully) fake skeletons littering his path. He could've sworn that the eyes of the paintings on the walls were following him, but_…'That only happened in those 1960s cartoons about teen detectives and talking animals,'_ he thought to himself. _'Right?'_

It was at that moment that he remembered the strange and interesting plant that he brought for Kerry was still in his sweaty hands. Embarrassed that he didn't give it to when they first met up at this bizarre place, Leo noticed that it was looking rather dead.

_'Probably just needs water.'_ He thought, which simply pushed him further to look for that darn bathroom!

Conveniently, after walking into a coat closet (with a wide array of animal furs and tight leather jackets) and a billiard room (which used large eyes for the balls), Leo found his way to the bathroom, which was surprisingly clean. White tile floors, light blue walls, sail boat floor moldings…it was almost _too_ nice.

But Leo couldn't complain. He moved over to the sink and began watering his plant. However, much to his dismay, the more water he gave the plant, the more it wilted. He began to panic. What sort of plant was this? No water? Well then, what _did_ it eat?

He sighed before sitting on the sparkling toilet seat, starring down at his strange, interesting, and dying plant. Maybe that's why he only bought it for $1.95? It was a sickly plant from the start.

_'What a rip-off.'_ He pouted in his head. _'Kerry's never gonna want a dying plant.'_

Suddenly, his thoughts went back to Kerry, looking beautiful in her undergarments. But then, a more horrifying thought entered his mind: Why _was_ Kerry wearing only her undergarments?! What had the bizarre people of this mansion done to her before he and Edgar showed up?

Thoughts then went back to Edgar. He saw him eying Kerry hungrily. He wasn't planning on making a move on her now that he's seen her half-naked, was he? How long had Edgar known Kerry? It must've been at least three years now. How could he do such a thing?

Of course, he could only answer questions with more questions, such as "Where the f am I?" and "Why the f was that man dressed as a woman?"

However, his thoughts were rudely interrupted by a hunchbacked man wearing a slightly-ripped suit opening the bathroom door. Leo screamed like a girl (again) as the hunchback glared up at him, shocked and slightly embarrassed.

"Oh," he said with a grotesque-sounding English accent. "Well, this is shocking and slightly embarrassing."

"Don't you people knock?" Leo demanded.

The hunchback shrugged, which looked rather funny.

"Well, if the door ain't locked, we usually just walk on in." he replied, turning his attention to something behind him. "But, 'ey, if it ain't a problem, the good master just wanted me to put this in here for the time bein'."

He then pulled, from behind him, the sparkling, yet now incredibly bloody, body of the girl with the cue cards! Her insides were…well, I won't go into _great_ detail, but she was certainly dead.

Leo starred at the horrible sight and screamed again, dropping the plant, jumping over the hunchback's hunched back, and sprinting back through the shadows of the mansion. She was dead! Murdered by the transsexual tyrant! What kind of place was this?!

As luck would have it, Leo found his way back to the party hall much easier this time. The doctor had just finished his song, so the audience was applauding again, only slightly not as loud. Something told Leo that they were growing rather bored.

As he slowly made his way towards Kerry and Edgar, shaking still at the thought of the body, Frank-N-Furter began clearing his throat.

"Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering 'Why the party, Frank? Why tonight?'" He said before grinning. "Because, my dear friends, tonight is a beautiful, beautiful one. Tonight, I have done it! Tonight, I have defeated death!! _Tonight, I have raised a man from the dead!!!_"

Again, the audience clapped, but it was as if they didn't really care. Leo, Edgar, and Kerry, however, were incredibly interested in what this man had to say for the first time that night.

"Yes, yes, I know," Frank-N-Furter said. "I was overjoyed myself. So, while this party is an enjoyable one, why don't you all come down to the lab and see what's on my slab?"

The audience swooned over this and excitedly began pushing past each other towards the small metal door leading to the strange doctor's lab. Leo looked at Kerry and Edgar and shook his head nervously.

"Leo, what's wrong?" Kerry asked. "You're sweating."

Leo took in a deep breath. "Kerry, that man killed someone. He's a murderer!" Edgar lowered his brows in curiosity as Kerry raised hers in shock.

_"What?" _She whispered. "But…are you sure?"

"Yes," Leo stated. "I saw the body myself. A hunchback brought it into the bathroom while I was-"

"Oh, come now, my newest friends."

Leo jumped again, turning behind him. There was the transvestite doctor, standing no more than three inches from his face. Leo cringed subtly, but managed to force a polite smile onto his face.

"Um, that is very kind of you, doctor," Leo stammered, trying to avoid eye contact with the eye-shadowed man. "But we are late for another party, so…"

"Oh, but does that party have a beautifully brilliant scientist such as myself giving life to the dead?" Frank asked.

Leo gulped. "Um…yes?"

Frank grinned, put his arm around Leo's shoulders, and began walking him towards the lab. Kerry and Edgar looked at each other nervously and, slowly, began following the two.

Now, the lab was the spitting image of any lab that you have seen in any science fiction/horror movie. Elixirs and schematics were everywhere, test tubes and Petri dishes scattered all over the floors, random jolts of electricity coming out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Everything was made of metal with the exception of a few sheets over a metal slab. There was obviously a body underneath the sheets, but was it really alive as the doctor had claimed? Or was this all a sort of trap?

Frank walked to the front of the crowd and held a single hand up, silencing the murmuring crowd. "Dearest friends, this man was on death row, a man accused of murder who, tragically, died in prison. Now, even if this were not a scientific breakthrough, it would still be a chance to give this poor man the life he deserves."

The doctor stood next to the slab and announced, "Ladies and gentleman, here I present what was once an inarticulate mass of lifeless tissue…THE CREATURE!"

He whipped the sheet off of the slab, revealing a man lying down in a dark suit, his hair black save for a large chunk in the front, which was white. His face was pale, but once his eyes opened up, it was as if he was, in fact, the most beautiful being in the room. The doctor had, in fact, defeated death!

Our three heroes were in awe. The audience actually applauded loudly this time, gasping and crying and shouting "Do a tap number! Do "Puttin' on the Ritz!"

The doctor stood over his creation, smiling. He then pulled out two things from his lab coat pockets: a large top hat and…what appeared to be an…old barber's razor?

"Rise, my creation." He said softly. "Rise, my precious Sweeney Todd."

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**Yeah, the "inarticulate mass of lifeless tissue" line was taken directly from the YF musical, word-for-word. Please review, people! Keep Broadway fics alive!**


	4. The Creation

**So, OK, this story is working out really well so far. Sweeney Todd's finally joined the crew and ththe middle will reveal a little bit of the inclusion of a now-infamous off-Broadway musical.**

**Now, this chapter is sloppy, but I wrote it while I was sick. There are, however, a few funny one-liners, so...yeah. Hope you laugh at a few of those.**

**Also, I changed Leo's occupation from barber to off-Broadway producer, because the inclusion of Sweeney made it too complicated to have two barbers running around. It just makes sense, since I named Leo after Leo Bloom from _The Producers_, so...yeah.**

**So, I hope you guys review it! Let's get started!**

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So everyone was happy that Dr. Frank-N-Furter raised a man from the dead. He was commemorated a Nobel Prize, a Lifetime Achievement Award, and a Grammy (for the extravagant show tune he sung earlier) and lived a long, happy, and successful life

If any of you believed a word of that, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Slap yourself on the hand and go sit in a corner for a little while.

Anyways, truth be told, most people in the laboratory at that time were happy that Frank managed to conquer death. The four people who weren't were (obviously) Leo, Kerry, and Edgar, mainly because they were still scared for their lives and wanted to leave this mansion as soon as the possibly could.

The forth man was, oddly enough, Sweeney Todd himself. His dark, vengeful eyes scanned the room, watching the over-excited party-goers cheer and clap.

They were being incredibly annoying.

He sat up, frowning. Fire burned in his eyes. This wasn't the Old Bailey Prison. Where was he?

He reached over to grab Frank's coat collar and pulled him in close.

"What have you done to me?" he demanded, his British voice cackling a bit. Frank smiled, impressed at how handsome his creation turned out.

"I have brought you back, Sweeney." He replied. "You were to go to the gallows, but tragically died the night before. However, thanks to my superb intellect, I was able to save you."

Sweeney growled. "I didn't want to be saved." He proclaimed. "I wanted to be with my dear wife…and if she can't be on this earth, then why the hell would I?!"

He snatched the razor from Frank's hand and held the blade up to his own neck. Frank's eyes widened in fear as he inhaled sharply.

"Sweeney, please, let us talk about this!" he demanded. The deranged creature shot him a look.

"No!" Sweeney shouted. "I don't want to live! The judge…he's still alive and Tobias…"

Leo wrapped his arm around the obviously frightened Kerry before Edgar leaned in and whispered, "What in heaven's name is he on about?"

Frank smiled. "Sweeney," he began. "I realize that you've had a horrid past, but what if I could make everything worth your while?"

The man stopped and slowly turned towards the doctor. "What do you mean?"

"We will have to talk later, my dear Mr. Todd," Frank-N-Furter said. "But first I wish to show my guests of honor to their sleeping quarters." He turned and faced Leo, Kerry, and Edgar.

"My dear and newest friends," he said seductively. "How would you like to stay in my finest guest rooms for the night?"  
Leo flinched at the very thought of staying in this insane mansion overnight! What with a murderer, his deceased victim, an undead lunatic…no, no, that was simply too much for him.

"No, no, that is simply too much for me." Leo answered. "We appreciate your…hospitality, but I really do think we should get going."

"Oh, but I insist…" The doctor said. "Leopold."

Leo's eyes widened in fear. How did this trannie know his name?

"How did that trannie know your name?" Kerry whispered to him.

"Now, please, it is beginning to rain and I doubt you even remember where you left your car." Frank-N-Furter insisted. "Come now. I assure you it is my rooms have better quality than a Motel 8."

Leo didn't quite understand what the doctor meant by that statement, but, seemingly against his will, decided to follow Frank-N-Furter to the guest rooms anyway. He would device a plan that would allow them to escape in the dark on the night.

Past darkened halls and creepy paintings, Frank guided them by candlelight, creating a scarier ambiance. He opened a large, creaky door, revealing one large room. Inside were three medium-sized beds, lit candles, and three pairs of pajamas laid out. Frank grinned.

"I do hope you have a nice sleep." He said, pushing our three heroes into their room and slowly walking out the door. "And if any of you have trouble sleeping, feel free to come see me. I'll gladly let you sleep with me."

He chuckled before closing the door gently. Leo sighed unhappily as he sat down onto his bed. Kerry sat down next to him.

"How're you feeling?" she asked him.

"Like I crashed my car into a tree and I'm stuck in a mansion with a she-man." was his response.

She smiled and hugged him tightly. Leo felt warm inside. This was the first time they had actually been together since Edgar's high school graduation three weeks ago. He had been so busy with his latest off-Broadway show and she was trying to land a record deal.

Kerry had the most beautiful voice one could ever hope to ever hear. Her vocal range was almost unnaturally beautiful, obviously making her parents force her into a life of unsuccessful auditions and talent shows. She had a very unhappy childhood, but after her parents mysteriously died one night, she continued trying to make it big as a singer. She was doing alright, but not as well as she wanted to be.

Leo finally asked the question that'd been bugging him that entire night.

"Kerry, um…why are you in your underwear?" he asked.

She thought back. "Hm…I can't really recall…but don't I look as adorable as a button?"

Edgar rolled his eyes. Kerry was never the brightest girl on earth. In fact, she was clumsy, absent-minded…rather dumb. Still, she was attractive, and that was enough for the bat boy and, obviously, Leo.

As Kerry leaned in to kiss her Leo, he thought back to her plant! Oh, crap, where did he put it?

"Uh, baby, listen, I got you something," he said awkwardly, making Kerry's face light up. "But I think I left it somewhere…uh…that isn't here."

She lowered her brows, trying to understand what Leo's sentence meant, but decided against thinking and simply nodded her head.

"I'll be here when you get back." She said, kissing him really quick.

"I won't be long." He replied before leaving the comfort of his room and trekking out to find that darn bathroom again…

* * *

"Now, Sweeney," Frank began. "How are you feeling?" 

Sweeney glared up at the doctor. "Like I've been dead for a year." He snarled back. The doctor smiled.

"Good, because you have been." Frank replied. "I'm sure that's a natural feeling."

Sweeney rolled his eyes in frustration. "What is it that you need to talk to me about?" he demanded.

Frank sat down next to his creation. "What if I told you that I could bring your wife back from the dead?"

Sweeney held his razor up to Frank's neck. "Don't you dare make jokes about such things!"

Frank, slowly and carefully, moved the razor away. "I'm not joking, silly man." He replied coolly. "I brought you back from a horribly-untimely death. What makes you think that I can't do the same for your wife?"

Sweeney starred at the doctor, his face still angry, but his mind curious. Finally, he lowered his razor.

"How?" he asked.

"Well, unfortunately, I've used all of my resources to bring you back to life," Frank replied. "So I cannot bring her back the expensive way. Money is the root of all evil, after all, is it not?"

"Then how?" the creature was getting upset. Frank grinned.

"There is a book, Sweeney Todd." Frank began. "A book paged in human flesh, written in human blood. A book that will bring the dead to life by the hundreds: The Necronomicon."

Frank then moved over to a large painting of himself over on the metal wall. He moved the painting to the side, revealing a large safe. He fiddled with the combination until he heard a click, opening the safe door and revealing a horrible-looking tome, indeed made of human flesh and blood.

Sweeney moved over to the book cautiously, giving Frank a strange look. "And this will bring my wife back?"

When the doctor nodded, Sweeney frowned. "I want proof." He snapped. "How do I know this book will bring her back?"

Frank smiled widely. "Oh, you want proof?" he asked. "Go to the party hall. There you will find most of my guests, asleep. Take that razor of yours…and kill them."

Sweeney's eyes flashed red upon hearing the word _kill_. Frank, however, continued.

"Bring their bodies down here to my laboratory. Kill as many as you can." He ordered. "Then I will read from these pages…and you will have your proof."

Sweeney starred down at the rusty razor in his hands, hesitated for a brief moment, and then began moving towards the laboratory door.

"This had better work, man-woman." The creature threatened. "Or you will taste the bitter end of the very razor you gave me."

Frank smiled, waving good-bye. However, once the laboratory door closed, he began laughing manically. He turned his attention to the Necronomicon and then to the opposing wall, where a large map of the world hung.

"Well," he muttered to himself. "This is all turning out rather nicely."

* * *

Leo stumbled through the dark hallways…again…only this time, the large mansion windows flickered with bright strikes of lightening. His shivering feet carried him down one corridor and up another as he jiggled locked doorknobs or quickly closed the doors wit naked people behind them. 

This was getting ridiculous. There he was, trying to find a stupid bathroom in a haunted mansion so he could give a dying plant to his nearly-naked girlfriend, who was currently alone with a human/bat hybrid in a transvestite's guest room.

The whole thing sounded like a demented story written by some crazy teenager.

He found himself leaving behind a trail of trail mix crumbs that he found in his jacket pocket behind him. Something told him that he would be needing to find this bathroom a few more times before morning.

Finally, he found the bathroom door. Overjoyed at his discovery, he placed his hand on the doorknob, twisted, and…

"Why the hell is it locked?" he shouted at himself.

He pounded on the door. "Excuse me," he said through the door. "But I really need to get in there, so if you could hurry your business along, I would appreciate it."

A deep, loud, explosively-bass voice answered. "Why is it so important?"

Leo was so frustrated that he didn't even bother thinking up a good lie. "Because my plant's in there and I need it!"

The doorknob twisted slowly.

Leo, confused, yet thankful, opened the door and rushed in to find his plant.

And he found it.

Oh, he found it.

There before him was a four-foot-tall plant, green with even bigger red warts, liking a red liquid from his vines with a mouth that had grown from its pod. On the ground next to it was a small pool of blood where the tuxedoed lady's body once laid and, on the toilet seat, was the bottom half of a man who was taking a crap before his torso was brutally ripped off.

Leo looked at the plant, terrified. He gulped before saying,

"Um…good evening?"

* * *

**I think a lot of the people who've reviewed so far will have liked that cliffhanger. Now, I'm not really familiar with the whole Sweeney Todd plot, so I tried to include what I knew. If it isn't exactly accurate, I apologize...but review anyways!**


	5. The Offers

**OK, this chapter is a little darker than previous ones. It deals with Leo, Kerry, and the evils that tempt them into doing something sinful. It's in two parts, and both of them have a lot in common...almost symbolic.**

**Thanks everyone whose been responding. I'm gonna try to update more often to get this bad boy done by Halloween.**

* * *

Kerry was climbing into her bed when Edgar first realized he had feelings for her.

He was in the bathroom, brushing his abnormally-large fangs when he caught a glimpse of her beauty in the mirror. She was pulling her bed sheets down so she could climb into her resting place.

Edgar felt a strong need to have her.

His eyes fixed on her body, he slowly moved his way over to his bed, where he sat down and, continuing to stare, thought about what he could say. Finally, he cleared his throat and took a breath in.

"Miss Butler," he began, causing his love to turn and face him. Her eyes caught him off guard and, for a while, he hesitated until he finally snapped back and continued.

"Do you not find it strange that the cross-dressed man had us sleep in this room? With the three beds, nightwear that is exactly our size…it is as if he were expecting us."

Kerry narrowed her eyes and looked around the room. As she did so, Edgar caught a small glimpse of her chest before she said, "You're right. That is a little weird, I guess."

Swallowing hard, Edgar moved closer to Kerry. "Well, no matter. I…I'm sure everything will be alright."

"Yeah," Kerry said, suddenly smiling. "Leo will make sure of that."

For a few brief moments, Edgar felt bitter hatred towards his brotherly figure, but quickly hid it from his love.

One important thing that you, the reader, must realize is that Edgar's love was lustful, as the bat child saw very little past her outer beauty. Though he was part human, having morals and a very solid knowledge of the difference between right and wrong, he was also part beast, wanting the more attractive of the opposite sex.

Most female readers, I'm sure, can relate.

Suddenly, the windows burst open violently, causing Kerry to let out a yelp and jump in fright. The roaring wind blew out all of the candles in the room, leaving the two scared friends in the dark. Edgar ran over to the windows and slammed them all shut.

Kerry was still sitting on her bed, shaking like a leaf, terrified.

"Edgar, I don't like this." She hissed. "Alone in this dark and horrible mansion."

Edgar thanked Thespis for the opportunity before walking over to Kerry's bed, putting an arm around her.

"Kerry, you'll be fine." He whispered. "You're not alone."

"But…Leo's in the bathroom."

Edgar sighed and rolled his eyes. "But I'm here, Kerry. I'm here to protect you."

Kerry looked over at him, his dark eyes slowly becoming visible in the darkness of the room. For a moment, she felt as if she were lost in those handsome eyes…but she quickly shook her head and backed away.

"Edgar, I don't know." She quickly said. "You know I'm in love with Leo…"

"As I am in love with you." Edgar retaliated. "Leo isn't even here for you when you are frightened. But I am. I can protect you, Kerry, just give me one chance."

Suddenly, Edgar had an idea. A grin flashed across his face as he quietly said, "It's because I'm a monster, isn't it?"

Kerry spun around, eyes wide. "No, no, Edgar, it has nothing to do with that!" she responded. "I have nothing against that, I just…"

He stood up, walked towards her, and kissed her. As he let go, Kerry starred back at him. Her heart was beating incredibly fast, her breathing heavy. Edgar knew that she didn't want to betray Leo, but…

"Alright," she whispered before resuming the kiss.

It was passionate as they fell onto the bed, legs twisted around each other. Edgar was overjoyed, absorbing Kerry's affection for him like the blood he oh-so craved.

However, her heart was still beating fast, causing her blood to flow at an amazing rate. Edgar could feel the veins in her arms pulsing, the beautiful, delicious blood coursing through her body. His animal instincts were slowly taking over as he began kissing her neck.

Her jugular vein was right there, mere millimeters from his fangs. He wanted so much to sink his teeth in, let her blood flow from her neck, drinking up every luscious drop…

The door burst open suddenly. Edgar jumped higher than Leo ever had, fearing it was his adoptive father. If Leo had walked through that door at that moment, his life as he knew it would be over.

Instead, a hunchbacked butler with a silver platter filled with cookies stood in the doorway, feeling incredibly awkward and slightly embarrassed for the second time that evening.

"Um…may I offer ya a midnight snack?"

* * *

Leo, meanwhile, stood in another doorway, starring at the large monster of a plant before him. 

"Uh…I didn't mean to intrude," Leo said awkwardly. "I'll, uh, leave you to your business."

As he started walking out the door, a long vine grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. Leo let out a small scream.

"Oh, get over yourself!"

Leo's eyes grew wide. That voice came from the plant!

"You…you're talking now?" he stammered.

"Of course I can talk, baby!" the plant replied. Leo looked faint.

"Oh, wow," he said to himself. "A talking plant…"

"That's right, Leopold!" the plant said back. "Imagine the dough you could be rakin' in with me!"

Leo looked at the plant. "What are you talking about?"

The plant put a vine around Leo's shoulder before continuing.

"Imagine it, baby doll: a talking plant!" it said. "That sorta shit has never even been heard of before! You and me, Leo, we're "cover of Time magazine" material!"

Leo was suddenly listening with keen interest. "Time magazine? If I were ever on the cover of Time, I'd be loaded!"

"Exactly!"

As greed seemed to consume Leo's face, he quickly shook his head before saying, "No, no, I've got a good job, thank you."

The plant grabbed Leo's shirt collar and pulled him in close.

"What? Trying to get your shows on Broadway? HA! Baby, you're gonna need a lot more than a chorus line and a few lousy lyrics to get your life rollin'!"

Leo lowered his brows.

"Yeah, okay." He said angrily. "When I wanna start taking life advice from a freakin' plant, I'll be sure to let you know!"

Satisfied with having the last word, Leo stormed out of the room. However, soon after, the plant began to laugh insanely. Leo, nervous, returned.

"What's so funny?"

"Heh…you're narrow-mind, that's all!" and it continued laughing.

Leo lowered his eyes. "What do you mean?"

The plant, if it had eyes, would've glared at Leo at this point.

"Don't you even wonder what became of these two innocent people?"

It gestured towards the pool of blood on the ground and the half-destroyed man on the toilet. Leo gulped: he had forgotten about them. He was so preoccupied with the talking plant that he didn't even glance at the remains of the two dead party guests.

The plant straitened itself up, making it look a full four and a half feet tall.

"Let's start over, shall we?" it said. "Hi there. Name's Tooie. I'm a plant that feeds offa blood. I can offer you anything in the world you want."

Leo's head began spinning. The _plant_ killed these people? He simply couldn't believe it.

"I simply can't believe it." He said, bewildered. The plant laughed.

"It's a small price to pay, really," it said. "A few murders for eternal fame and fortune? C'mon, Leo, it ain't rocket science!"

Leo's face grew worried.

"Wait…_murders_? For some _money_?" he asked. "No, no, that simply won't do. I have a very nice life as it is. I don't need a criminal record."

Tooie began laughing again.

"You're so weak, boy! So pathetic! You scared of a little punishment? What if I cover it all up? What if…this fame and fortune…promises you Kerry?"

Leo shot Tooie a look.

"No, Kerry loves me, as I love her!" he shouted. The plant, again, laughed.

"Who would ever love a spineless sonuvabitch like you?" it cried. "Do you even know what she's doin' right now? All alone in your room? With that bat boy?"

Leo's eyes narrowed. No. Edgar would never…or would he?

"Don't doubt what you don't know, kid." Tooie said. Leo glared at the plant.

"You'd better be wrong." He threatened as he bolted out the door towards Frank's guest room. Tooie burst into laughter.

"Think about my offer, Leopold!" it cried. "Fame and fortune favors the brave! The meek shall inherit! The-"

"Oh, shut up!" a sleeping guest shouted from across the hall.

* * *

**Next chappie:**

**Leo makes a decision about Tooie's offer,**

**Sweeney bumps into a threat to his assignment,**

**Frank-N-Furter finds his latest lover,**

**And...**

**A new guest stops by the mansion with a mysterious purpose. A guest who could, quite possibly, save them all.**

**What? Where? How? Who? You'll have to review this chapter and "stay tuned"...I guess...**


	6. The Dangers

**Well, I'm really glad that people actually want me to continue this piece. Sorry I couldn't get this done by Halloween. My life's been hectic. We're doing _Into the Woods_ as our fall musical and, I tell you, it's one of the hardest musicals to put on!**

**Speaking of musicals, Tim Burton's _Sweeney Todd_ needs to happen now!**

**I've tried to include some more of Sweeney's backstory in this chapter, with plenty more to come. The more I learn, the more I'll write. **

**Also, there have been people who don't seem to get Edgar (the bat boy). He's from an off-Broadway musical called _Bat Boy_, which is, by far, one of my favorite musicals ever. At one point, I heard rumors that it would be revived on Broadway, which would be sweet. Google it, it's good.**

**Also, a little warning: there's a section of this chapter that gets a little weird that deals with Leo and Frank-N-Furter. That's all I'll say.**

_

* * *

'Oh, please be wrong.'_ Leo thought to himself as he sprinted through the now-familiar dark halls of the mansion back towards his guest room.

Tooie had filled his head with horrible thoughts that Edgar was putting the moves on Kerry. That simply didn't sit well with our hero, who had been in love with Kerry since he first laid eyes on her.

Leo slipped and fell while dashing around a corner, but swallowed his pain, got back up on his two feet, and continued his running. He needed to make sure. He needed to know that Edgar and Kerry weren't doing anything R-rated.

He saw the look Edgar gave her. He knew a look of lust when he saw one. He knew that Edgar, if given the chance, would do something. Of course, Leo served him that chance on a silver platter by leaving the two of them alone.

He finally skid to a stop outside of the guest room door. His heart was pounding. He wanted so much to just slam that door open, and yet he was too afraid to see what was on the other side.

He pressed his ear against the door to try and hear any sort of noise going on in the room. His heart sank. He heard groaning, giggles…it was too much for him to bear at that moment.

Suddenly, his sadness turned to anger as he burst the door open, pointed a pissed off finger at Edgar and screamed, "AH HA!"

To his embarrassment, the two were sitting on opposite beds, looking up at Leo with horrified and confused looks on their faces, eating delicious-looking cookies. Leo, incredibly awkward at that moment, slowly lowered his finger as Kerry said,

"Um…would you like a cookie?"

* * *

That night, after changing into pajamas and kissing Kerry good-night (while Edgar gave a jealous glance), Leo tried his best to slip off into slumberland. He had had a long night and he desperately wanted to sleep the whole thing off. Perhaps all of the events that had happened in the past few hours were merely dreams? 

Of course not. What a silly thing to think.

Leo tried to sleep, he truly did, but he was unable to do so. He wasn't, believe it or not, frightened by the roaring thunder outside, nor the pitch blackness of the strange room, nor still the fact that he was sleeping with a killer and an undead barber.

No, Leo couldn't sleep because his head was filled with Tooie's offer. Fame and fortune to the point of immortality…what an amazing thought! All he needed to do was kill a few suckers downstairs and…

_'Oh, jiminy, what am I thinking?'_ Leo thought, interrupting his own thoughts. He wasn't a killer. He was an off-Broadway producer.

Close, yet not exactly the same thing.

He looked over at Kerry, who was sleeping in the middle bed between him and Edgar. She was facing away from him, as if she was looking at the bat boy as she fell asleep.

Jealousy coursed through his veins at the thought, but he tried to keep his cool. It was preposterous to think that she and Edgar would ever be an item. It's not like he was young, handsome, suave, had an English accent, was a fantastic singer…

Leo suddenly heard a loud thumping sound and cringed. It was Tooie in the bathroom, dropping one of his large vines on the floor over and over, taunting the poor man. Leo winced, throwing his blankets over his head.

"Leave me alone," he whispered. "Stop that thumping. Stop it. I don't want to kill anyone…"

He heard Kerry moan in her sleep and peeked out to see what was up. She had yawned, stretched her arms out, and brushed up against Edgar's hand. A slight grin grew on the sleeping bat boy's face, and fire burned in Leo's eyes.

* * *

Tooie was swatting his vines at the pesky bugs that surrounded him and the half-eaten corpse beside him. His vines thumped on the walls and floor, creating quite a noise. 

"Stupid flies," it mumbled. "Can't they just buzz the hell outta he-"

The bathroom door suddenly burst open, revealing an incredibly pissed off Leo on the other side.

"Alright," he growled. "I'll do it."

Tooie grinned.

* * *

A few faintly-lit candles lit Leo's way as he made his way down the stairs through the hallways. He was obviously quite nervous, for he had never killed an innocent person before. The shadows looked more sinister as he walked, alone, towards his prison sentence. 

The doors to the party hall were suddenly before him, looking ten feet taller than they did when he saw them before. They were intimidating, as if telling him, "This is a mistake, Leo. Turn around or your world will perish."

Leo, however, was too nervous to try and understand what the doors were saying to him, so he simply pushed them open and walked in.

He saw an enormous blanket of silhouettes on the floor. These people, who were, no more than an hour ago, partying like they never were again, were now sound asleep.

A horrible thought entered Leo's mind: they never were going to party again. He shook his head and tried to erase any doubts he had. Who did he care for more: Kerry or these people?

He began walking around them, trying to find an older man whom had lived a good life. Or perhaps someone with a terminal illness who would be passing on soon anyway. Anyone who he could kill easily.

He sighed. That wasn't going to be simple.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps. Eyes widened, he ducked behind a large sleeping person, peeking out from over his large belly. There was the silhouette of a taller man standing in the doorway. He looked around, pulled something out of his pocket, and began walking in the direction opposite of Leo.

Leo, of course, didn't seem to care about Kerry at all at that point. What if it was the trannie? He needed to escape that party hall before he was spotted. He slowly crept along the floor, trying to slither his way out the two doors. His heart raced as he approached, stood, up, placed his hand on the doorknob…

Suddenly, Leo heard footsteps rapidly approaching! He turned around and ducked just in time to see Sweeney Todd lunging at him, an old barber razor in his hands!

Leo screamed as he rolled out of harm's way, Sweeney tripping over him. Leo stood up to face his enemy. Sweeney's eyes seemed to glow red.

"What are you doing in here?" Sweeney screamed.

"Uh, I was, um…looking for the bathroom?"

Sweeney swung his razor wide again, forcing Leo to duck, dodge, turn, and twist around the demon barber. He could feel adrenaline rush through his body, but it was too late. Leo was going to die.

Sweeney kicked Leo in the chest, forcing him down onto the large stomach of the man he was just hiding behind. Miraculously, he didn't awaken from his deep sleep. Sweeney then raised his razor high in the air, reflecting enough light for Leo to see red blood dripping from its tip.

"_I_ am to kill these people," Sweeney stated evilly. "Not you."

He swung his razor down at Leo, who cringed, shut his eyes, and winced, preparing for his death. However, the razor never came down onto his head. In fact, it never came down at all. Leo looked up, somewhat overjoyed to still be alive, to see why Sweeney didn't attack.

"What on Earth on you two doing?"

Leo's heart sank as he recognized the voice.

"Uh…nothing, sir…ma'am…uh…" he sputtered as Frank-N-Furter approached the two. Frank grinned at Leo, causing a shiver to slowly crawl up the poor producer's spine, before advancing towards Sweeney.

"I don't want you touching this one, Todd, or all promises are off." Frank ordered. Sweeney growled. The doctor turned to Leo.

"I would like you to wait for me on the other side of those doors," Frank demanded. "I'll be right there."

Leo, still scared out of his wits after his near-death experience with the undead barber, did exactly as he was told, retreating behind the doors exiting the party hall.

As the doors closed, Sweeney narrowed his red eyes and stormed towards Frank's face.

"I'm getting sick of taking orders from you!" he shouted, veins popping out of his neck. "I don't even know if you're telling me the truth! I need to know that you can hold your end of the bargain before-"

"Before what?" Frank suddenly shouted. "Before you slit more innocent throats? As if it wasn't your passion, your one joy in your past life!"

Sweeney screamed at Frank, swinging his razor at his head. Frank slipped out of the way, causing Sweeney to collapse onto the floor. Frank then stomped a sharp stiletto down on the barber's chest.

"Do as I say, Mr. Todd, or I can promise you that you'll never see your beloved Johanna again." Sweeney's eyes widened slightly, causing Frank to grin.

"And what about your Lucy?" he continued. "The one you killed with your own razor. The one you wanted to save the entire time. Do you really want that on your conscience for the rest of your new life…when you could chance it?"

A tear was growing in Sweeney's red eyes. He slowly opened his mouth and whispered, "My Lucy…my Johanna…I'll do this for them."

Frank-N-Furter smiled. "I knew you would." He said, removing his heel from the poor man's chest. "Now, go, Sweeney…I will leave you to your vengeance."

Sweeney Todd stood up, blinked his tears away, and starred down at his razor. His only other friend. The friend who would help him piece together his family again. Without another look at the doctor, Sweeney began walking towards the sleeping guests who would never awaken.

Frank-N-Furter was pleased. That had gone over better than he had hoped. Only he could draw tears from a serial killer.

He moved out the party hall doors, eyes darting around the darkness for Leo. He smiled when he saw that he was alone.

"Ah, a runner." Frank said into the darkness. "I love a good chase…gets the blood pumping."

He ran up the staircase to see Leo, trying desperately to open a locked door as quietly as possible. Frank approached him quietly and placed a hand on his back, causing Leo to yelp and jump in fear.

"Oh, you're a bit jumpy." Frank said. "Hopefully, I can calm you down a bit."

Leo was _incredibly_ uncomfortable.

"Um, I'm feeling incredibly uncomfortable," he said. "And I've got a girlfriend upstairs who needs me and…"

The doctor held a finger up to Leo's lips. "Oh, hush now, baby." He whispered. "You know you don't need anyone else. No one but me."

Frank began to slide his hand down Leo's pants.

"Um, actually, I'm pretty sure I…um…what are you…this isn't…oh, goodness…"

"It's alright, Leopold," Frank said seductively. "Just a few minutes of me and you'll…be…"

Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door, causing Leo to jump again, pull the hand out of his pants, and shove Frank-N-Furter away. The doctor frowned, turned his head, and cursed.

"Who would be knocking at this time of night?" he hissed.

He stormed down the stairs, out the doors, through the (now-slightly bloody) party hall, and into the entrance hall. He forced the door open and shouted, "What the hell do you…!?"

Frank stopped in mid-sentence, starring at the man before him. On the porch, soaking wet due to the rain, was an incredibly muscular, incredibly bloody, and incredibly dashing-hero-ish college kid. His chin was chiseled, his shoulders broad, and he had a chainsaw in place of his right hand.

"About time you answered, you screw head!" he shouted. "I need to use your phone!"

Frank, starring in awe at the beautiful boy, placed a hand upon his chest. "Oh…of course, my boy, of course. Come in, come in."

The mysterious man walked into the mansion, shaking himself off. He inspected his chainsaw/hand, making sure the rain didn't damage it.

Frank remained intrigued. "What happened to you, stranger?" he asked.

The man looked at the transvestite, disgusted by the sight, but answered, "I was on my way to an old, abandoned cabin in some woods near here. Got a flat. Need to use a phone."

Frank grinned. Didn't everyone want to use his phone?

"Oh, of course, Mr…?"

"Call me Ash." The man said, before whipping his wet hair with a shake of his head.

* * *

**Next chappie:**

**Leo's mission gets much more personal,**

**Kerry's innocence is seemingly lost,**

**Edgar makes a terrible discovery,**

**And...**

**Just who is Ash and what role will he play in this dark tour-de-farce? **

**Tune in next chapter for the answers. And don't forget to respond!**


	7. The Evil Intentions

**Well, guys, it's been too long. It's a fresh new year, and that means another year of not being able to breathe because of being so darn busy! But that's besides the point. You guys have been very patient, so I'm rewarding you with a brand new, quite long chappie!**

**Unlike previous chapters that have focused much on comedic points of the story, this chapter deals with serious topics and shed tears. However, that doesn't mean I haven't included some classic LemonyShepard humor!**

**I'm too tired to do replies right now...I love everyone whose responded to this little story that could! Thank you all! You won't be disappointed!**

* * *

The dripping wet Ash was brought into a smaller den area to sit by a fireplace to warm up and dry. The doctor's initial proposal was to have the teenager take his wet clothes off for the time being, but Ash declined. So he sat by the fire, Frank-N-Furter ordering his hunchbacked butler to serve the newcomer his every whim.

"Look, this is all pretty cool," Ash said. "But I really don't have time to sit here and eat cookies. I'm kinda on a mission."

"Oh, a mission." Frank-N-Furter said, impressed. "That's so impressive."

"Yeah, well, actually, maybe you can help me out here, buddy." Ash continued. "I have no clue where the hell I am. Do you know if there's any old, abandoned cabins in these woods?"

"Hm, I cannot say for sure," Frank replied. "I don't leave this mansion much. It gets _sooo_ lonely…"

Frank leaned in to kiss the boys cheek, but Ash, seemingly unphased by what was going on, stood up right before the overly-large lips could touch his face.

"I must find that cabin!" he announced, like the heroic action hero he was. "Only then can I put all of the world's Candarian demons to rest!"

Frank went silent for a few seconds, but then asked, quietly, "What exactly are you going to the cabin for?"

"There's a book there," Ash said. "A book of unimaginable evil. By reading from its pages, you summon the evil Candarian demons from hell to possess the bodies of the living, unleashing an undead army of darkness!"

Ash turned away and began walking out the door. Before he stepped out of the room, however, he turned to Frank-N-Furter and said, "That is why I must find that cabin."

And he left.

Frank-N-Furter frowned. He had almost given himself away there. He needed to be calm, cool, and collect about this handsome, yet dangerous stranger. He needed to carry out his plan without allowing anyone to interfere.

He needed to do something to Ash.

Frank smiled to himself. Oh, he was capable of so much. Just what could he do to this boy? Certainly not kill him. He was far too handsome for that. No, Frank would just have to work more of his magic on the man.

He would make sure that Ash would never interfere with his plans. Ever.

* * *

Leo ran up the stairs with speed he never knew he had. Oh, he felt disgusted. A man almost…

_'Oh, dear Lord, I don't want to think about that anymore!' _he thought to himself. He felt dirty as he ran into the bathroom to wash his hands…and every other part of him.

However, the second he entered the bathroom, the sight of the giant, bloodthirsty plant before him rattled his brain back into the realization of reality. A bizarre, terrifying, evil reality, but nonetheless.

"Well, well, well, Leo," Tooie began. "You came back…empty handed."

Leo was sweating and out of breath, not really wanting to talk to the plant at that moment.

"Look, Tooie, I was down there, about to kill someone, really," Leo stammered. "But I bumped into someone who was…kind of an interference."

Tooie sighed.

"Then why didn't you kill him, too, boy?" it shouted. "My God, am I gonna hafta do this all myself?"

"He had a weapon!" Leo retaliated.

"So then take the weapon and kill him with it!" Tooie demanded. "How bad-ass would you feel after that?"

"I wouldn't feel anything but guilt, Tooie, can't you understand that?" Leo said desperately. "I love Kerry with my life, but not at the cost of someone else's. I can't kill innocent people, I'm sorry."

As Leo turned his back to Tooie again, the plant gave a single chuckle, causing the timid producer to turn back around.

"What?" he asked.

"There is one boy, Leo, who you _want_ to kill." It said. "A boy who's been doing some pretty nasty things with your girlfriend."

Leo laughed. "Not true, Tooie. I checked up on them a few minutes ago, and they were just eating cookies and-"

"Yeah, and now you ain't in the room anymore." The plant interrupted. "What do you suppose they're doing now?"

"I'm not falling for that again, Tooie." Leo said firmly. "I'm going back up to the room and going to sleep."

As he began to storm out, Tooie shouted, "The doctor's got security cameras set up all over the mansion!"

This stopped Leo in his tracks again.

"Security cameras?" he asked Tooie, his heart skipping.

"If you're positive that bat boy hasn't touched your girl," Tooie said. "then you'd check the videos in the control room. Third door in the party hall, right by the lab doors."

Leo stood there for a moment, thinking to himself. Sure, he told Tooie that he knew Edgar and Kerry wouldn't ever do anything while he was away. But…did he know for sure?

No. And a part of him didn't want to find out.

Still, Leo nodded his head slowly and replied, "OK."

* * *

The halls, honestly, couldn't get any darker as the producer walked through them. No flashes of lightning, no fireflies, nothing. Invisible cobwebs enveloped Leo as he walked through doorways, old wooden floor panels creaking under his weight.

Frankly, Leo was getting pissed off. He figured that, since he'd gone through so much that night, he would've developed courage of any sort.

After seeing a tiny grey mouse creepy along the floor, Leo let out a screech of fear. He hated this stupid house.

He made his way back to the large party hall. There were more people missing. Leo didn't notice this as he slipped on some wet spot next to a few red and white blankets. He was trying to be as quiet as he possibly could be as he approached the large, metal door leading to the laboratory.

_'Now, Tooie said that the control room was the third door in here.'_ Leo thought to himself (quietly, of course). _'The front door is the first, the lab is the second…where's the third?'_

The third door was actually hidden behind a thick wall of cobwebs, something poor Leo had to figure out himself. He spent a good ten minutes searching for that third door, only to have to crawl in through the cobwebs. Tiny spiders fell into his hair and the back of shirt. As horrified as he was, he needed to see what Kerry was up to. Determination seemed to come out of nowhere to Leo, but he wouldn't back down.

After brushing the webs and the creepy-crawlies off, Leo opened the door labeled "Private" and slowly entered. The amount of technological advancements in the tiny room nearly knocked Leo to the floor in awe. There were gadgets and gizmos, screens and buttons, sparks of electricity and the humming of a sea of computers.

Eight small monitors were mounted on the walls, shining brightly down upon the scared but curious producer. He walked up to observe them better.

The first monitor showed a dense forest, rain pouring down onto the ground. Leo passed it by without thinking anything of it, not even noticing the rusting remains of his crashed car on the screen.

The second monitor showed the porch, Ash's muddy footprints still freshly wet on the cement ground. The third monitor showed the entrance room. The fourth showed the large party hall. There was a small silhouette of a man walking through, bending down and slicing the throats of the sleeping party guests. Again, Leo didn't notice this.

Finally, the fifth monitor showed a larger room, with three beds and a large window. The guest room. Leo's guest room.

Edgar and Kerry's guest room.

There was no movement coming from any of the beds, but the middle bed's sheets were all messed up. No Edgar, but Kerry was lying there, her hair completely messed up, her breathing seemingly heavy, her body completely nude and drenched with sweat.

Leo could hardly believe what he was seeing. He ran over to a keyboard labeled "5" and hit a button labeled with two arrows pointing left.

Yeah, it was a rewind button.

The video began to play backwards incredibly fast and, to Leo's horror, that meant Edgar and Kerry doing it, in reverse…many, many times.

Suddenly, Leo gasped and stopped the tape. It began to play in normal speed. It showed a fuzzy picture of the hunchbacked butler from the doctor's speech entering the room, giving the two a plate of cookies. Edgar thanked him and shooed him out the door. They then began to continue kissing. Edgar was moving his hands every which way, removing clothing from both his body and Kerry's. It was sickening for Leo to watch.

Suddenly, as they made their way to the bed, Edgar's ears perked up and he threw Kerry's clothes at her, whispering something in a rushed tone. They both eagerly got their clothes back on, grabbed some cookies, and sat down on opposite beds. Then, Leo saw himself enter the room.

Leo clenched his teeth. He had interrupted them from making love and…didn't even do anything about it!

His eyes burned with the red-hot fire of pure rage and vengeance. Edgar was going to get what was coming to him. Edgar was going to die.

Leo looked around the room for a weapon. There were plenty of electrical devices, some small enough to use as tazers, others large enough to crush the bat boy with. But, no, Leo was going to feed Edgar to Tooie live so the creep could suffer the digestive track. Feed him to Tooie so he could get the fame and riches that the plant promised him. With a successful life would come Kerry. For him and him alone.

* * *

Let's go through a time warp here. Remember when Leo was talking to Tooie in the bathroom earlier in this chapter? Well, let us go back to that exact same time and (almost) the exact same scene.

Edgar, having just done Kerry more times than necessary, was going down to use the bathroom for a moment. His thoughts were filled with lustful images of Kerry's wonderful body, which he had explored in full within the past hour or so. He knew he didn't love her like Leo did, but there was one part of Kerry that nearly killed him with ecstasy.

Her veins.

Of course, he never actually bit Kerry yet. No, he needed to gain her trust, thrust her into a world of pleasure she never knew before drinking her delicious red fluids. He was doing pretty well with his plan so far, but needed to draw her in deeper. Of course, that would surely happen right when he returned from freshening up.

As he rounded a corner, however, Edgar's all-too sensitive ears picked up a conversation. He recognized the first voice as timid, spineless Leo…

"Look, Tooie, I was down there, about to kill someone, really! But I bumped into someone who was…kind of an interference."

This perked Edgar's interest. Leo…killing someone? No, no, he must've misunderstood. He closed his eyes and intensified his bat-like hearing even more.

"Then why didn't you kill him, too, boy? My God, am I gonna hafta do this all myself?"

This voice was incredibly different, sounding much like an African American jazz singer from the fifties. However, what he said scared Edgar. Why was he ordering Leo to kill people?

As the conversation unfolded, Edgar's eyes got wider, his heart beat faster, and he knees almost buckled. This Tooie character also ate blood!

Small world, huh?

While this fact bothered the bat boy very little, he was deeply concerned when the jazz singer mentioned the security cameras. Surely he was bluffing but…what if he wasn't? What if Leo went to check out the security cameras and saw Edgar and Kerry…you know? Would he not go after Edgar to kill like, like Tooie told him to?

He then heard the sound of a door closing and jumped slightly. It was Leo, walking faster and faster in Edgar's direction. The bat boy, terrified, jumped atop a nearly bookshelf and then onto the ceiling and hung there by his feet, like any other bat would do. Hidden by the shadows, he saw Leo speed walk beneath him.

When the producer was well out of sight, Edgar jumped down, leaned up against a wall, and thought. Leo was going to see everything and hunt Edgar down. What was the bat boy to do? Surely he couldn't stay with Leo anymore. Maybe he and Kerry could run off together, establish new lives. Find a nice, two-bedroom house somewhere. Buy a nice car…no, a van! And Edgar would marry her, make love to her by day, slowly drinking her blood by night. Oh, how perfect it sounded.

Suddenly, his ears perked up again, his thoughts rudely interrupted by the crude sound of a young, but brash man walking down the hall.

"Where the hell is this bathroom?" a crude, rugged voice asked impatiently.

Edgar tried to jump back onto the ceiling to avoid being seen by whoever was coming, but didn't have any time. The tall, dashing, and over-muscular college hero had just rounded the corner and locked eyes with the bat boy.

"What the hell…?" Ash said, taking a step back.

"Sir, please, I beg your pardon." Edgar said desperately. "I am a guest of the doctor and-"

"What _are_ you?" Ash shouted. "Fuzz-covered skin, enormous ears, sharp, pointy jaws of doom?!"

"No, sir, please, you don't understand!"

"You must be a demon from Hell!" Ash exclaimed, revving up his chainsaw arm.

Edgar gave out a slight shriek before replying, "No, sir, I am not! I am merely a man bat hybrid of sorts! It's a long, complicated story, but if you could just let me explain-"

"The only explaining you're going to have to do," Ash said. "Is when Satan asks why you're back so soon."

He then let out a battle cry of sorts and dashed towards Edgar, his chainsaw roaring. The bat boy's eyes grew to enormous size as he ducked out of the way, running in the opposite direction faster than he thought possible.

"Get back here, you beast!" were the last words Edgar heard Ash say before he ran down the stairs, across the party hall, up another flight of stairs, and into a closet. What was happening? Tooie wanted Edgar's blood, Leo wanted revenge, and Ash just wanted to kill him for no real reason. Edgar was quickly becoming this mansion's public enemy number one.

Thinking about Kerry and how beautiful she was and her blood and how she looked at Leo and how much Leo loved her and how they were to be married had Edgar not caused Leo to crash the car and come here and feed the plant and tempt the transvestite doctor, Edgar did something he hadn't before.

He began to cry. He knew full well that Leo loves Kerry and, as much as the bat boy loved her as well, he knew he couldn't give her the happiness that Leo could. It was a sad, horrible realization, but at least Edgar was being man enough to realize it.

As his first teardrop slid down his face and hit the floor, the closet door creaked open. Edgar's eyes shot up and he blinked away the tears, readying his claws and teeth for whatever was about to confront him next.

However, it was the hunchbacked butler who opened the door.

"Oh, Ah'm sorry." The hunchback said in his accent. "Ah didn't know this closet was occupied."

"Oh, my dearest apologies, friend." Edgar replied, getting up. "I'll leave."

As the bat boy began to come out of the closet (insert funny pun/joke here), the hunchback grabbed his shoulder.

"'Ey, you been cryin'?" he asked.

Edgar gave a slight nod. "I just have a lot on my mind, that's all."

"Well, Ah've got time to talk, if ye wanna?" the hunchback said.

Edgar gave a slight smile. Maybe, amongst all this chaos and bloodshed, he could make a friend after all. Someone who could help him out of this tremendous pickle.

"Well, you see," Edgar started. "It all began when me and my…a man named Leo were driving to this woman's house to give her a gift."

And the story, thus, unfolded before the hunchback's ears.

* * *

**Next chappie:**

**Sweeney gets two dark, dangerous visitors,**

**Tooie looses his patience,**

**Leo does the unthinkable,**

**And,**

**Someone in the ensemble...WILL DIE!**

**First blood will be shed in the next thrillingly hilarious installment of _Lemony Shepard's Picture Show!_ Be there or...don't be. Fine, be that way!**


End file.
